Category Archives: What My Friends Say

Summer Fun

I thoroughly enjoy the summer time. In the summer I can light fires, eat mad candy, and play on the tracks. The butt cheese vampire usually is so hot she does not want to come outside, so this give me the opportunity to do whatever I want. Maah is trying to get me to go to Camp Lajola with her, but I told that butt cheese vampire that she can shove that right up her butt. I want to swim, and walk around with no shirt on so my stomach becomes overly red. I love American flags, and riding my bike too. I want to start my summer business, where I get bike parts out of the trash and build bikes for cash. Dumpster diving is so fun, but I have to do it when the butt cheese vampire is not looking because she gets mad. One of my future endeavors is to get one of the infomercial guys to back me on making discrete dried herb holders, so butt cheese vampires everywhere will not find stuff like dill. You know, something like a floss container or a emptied out deodorant holder. But dill is hard to smoke as it explodes. Plus ice pops are the shit because I can’t have my frozen ravioli’s anymore as I have to hide them so the butt cheese vampire does not find them, and they melt. No good. My maah says it is because I have high blood pressure and am a prime candidate for pre diabetes. But I don’t want to take diabetes medicine because it makes me poop my pants all over the kitchen floor. I told her I am not going to make it to the toilet because she makes me take these shits. I have lost a quarter of a pound, so it is obviously working. At this rate I won’t even need camp Lajola. Summer is the best time of the year.

Ps. I wish the butt cheese vampire would stop making me listen to AFI and Evanescence as I like 50 cent yo. She thinks it calms me, but it actually just makes me want to play gangsta with my paper towel roll guns. I will pop a  bottle cap in that butt cheese vampire in her stank butt cheese self. And when I say stank, I mean stank, she is a fart machine sounding like the streets of wherever gangsters shoot things. I recorded it and made it my ring tone.


Quote of the day: 5/23/11

I saidddddddddddddddd, I hate small magic ant’s riding around in Wendy’s cup!!!!!!

Response: Um, yes honey.

Butt Cheese Vampires

I am Boi, Spamberlie’s coolest friend, or actually not really her friend, my maah just hangs out with her maah and they make us hang out together when they are bored. Our friendship was solidified when we were about 3 years old and we made a water park in Spamberlie’s bedroom, and then I tried to drown Spamberlie in the family fun center, so she pulled a chunk of my hair out and spit it in my face. I enjoy smoking dill, licking ink out of rose art markers, my grampie, consistency licking my lips so I have a kool-aid mustache, cats and other small animals, and eating. My maah is so oblivious that I can steal the TV out of the living room with her on the couch and she doesn’t even notice. I enjoy food of all sorts, but my absolute favorite is frozen ravioli’s out of the freezer with a cup of ketchup drink. Sometimes I really love my maah when she makes sure I am absolutely comfy, but other times she is a butt cheese vampire. Making potions is the sport I am most best at. I like to put poo in bottles, and spread things like hot chocolate around my toilet. Maah just sits on it because that is what she thinks it is, but it is actually cuck. I like to trade things like my PS3 for other things such as can openers, animal carriers, bike parts, and random USB Cables. I have 347 different facebook pages, that way the butt cheese vampire doesn’t know which one is mine. I go to special school on a small bus, and every week we have a new bus driver, I am not sure why. I also find joy in sniffing Earl Grey, yum.  Spamberlie tries to beat me up, but the butt cheese vampire usually stops her. That is why I love my maah. The butt cheese vampire and I love when people stick pads to our backs. It is so funny. Sometimes when I have a bad day at school, I come home and snuggle with the butt cheese vampire. We watch mad Hulu. Lastly, Spamberlie and I enjoy collections of all sorts, she has the sweetest candy wrapper collection of anyone I know, but her collection doesn’t even compare to the broken cell phone collection I have hidden under my bed.